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Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. I didn't respond to it very well. April 30, 2020, 7:36 pm. Copyright The Modern Man. Hell, looking at the first letter, maybe breaking up with him will be the only way to get him to realize something (/sarcasm)! If she dumped you because you didnt want to commit and now all of a sudden youve from whatever to holy shit, I want her back Ive got one response for you: Theres a reason you didnt want to commit in the first place! Especially right after sleeping with Forrest. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Do you remember how we talked about marriage and starting a family? She thought if I was really in love, none of that would matter.So finally, she left two days ago.I do not blame her, of course. You were a selfish ass. And actually, I dont think that this relationship was really so great. If you didnt do that, she might leave you and find another man. Everything else (e.g. If you didnt want to commit while she was with you, and have now changed your stance? I love this girl she is literally the most amazing girl i have ever been with made me happy at all times. You still love her, of course, but there are other things on your mind. Wake the fuck up! Maybe I was wrong about him when I though that he was such a confident, cool guy. Ms . ), maybe somewhere with an in-law suite so that way she has her own space, your boyfriend feels like he has taken care of her, and you can have your own area to which she doesnt have a key. Its multiple small reasons. Another adult to help around the house, perhaps contributing a bit financially and with the 10-year-old, and a nice warm family unit. How could I let this happen? Apologizing to your girlfriend for your mistake is a good thing, but its not everything. She then starts to look at you as you are now, rather than the guy she broke up with who wouldnt commit. LW2: I agree that you shouldnt move in with your boyfriend right now, but I have one thing to say about the grandmother: You say that youre mad that she has lived her life relying on other people. This is more of a YOU issue than a HIM issue. So he feels he owes her. All I can do now, is pray for her so she can fully heal from all the hurt I caused her. Are you serious about getting your ex back? Up until she dumped you, you felt indifferent about her. LW#1 you repeatedly decided over the course of 9 years that you were unwilling to marry her. She will feel like she might have even made a mistake in getting into a relationship with him in the first place, if thats who he really is as a person underneath or when challenged. I really appreciate your straight forward answer. We got into a bit of an argument, because I refused to go to the place where he wanted to propose to me. You were outcome-independent. I am ready now. And, frankly, after only ten months together and with a 12-year-old daughter who should be your number one priority, it would be a huge, HUGE mistake to push him on this. Yes, it sounds like this is unlikely to work. you feel lost without her, you want to stop feeling the pain of being rejected by her, you are embarrassed to admit to your family and friends that you got dumped and she no longer wants you). Shes still working at 69. Its just too much. To show you what it is, lets revisit that same Reddit thread from earlier. I cant image after 9 plus years how she stayed, as 2 years being so in love and him avoiding/ being defensive, all the arguments over the marriage talk when hes the one obsessed over me and expects me to play the wife role. Is she using drugs? Judge Clifton Newman sentenced disgraced South Carolina attorney Alex Murdaugh to two life sentences after a jury found him guilty of murdering his wife and son in June 2021. Theres nothing better than getting information straight from the source. Many of the replies here believe that the man was happy in the relationship and just refused to commit. Thats one of my pet peeves, when someone is begging for something from a relationship, and the other person wont budge until their partner breaks up with them (by which time, its too late). Instead, attract her in the ways that used to work so well, while also making sure to add in new ways of attracting her that are extensions of that. You will feel some regret a lot at first, and then the sharp edges of that regret will soften and youll be able to settle into it a little more comfortably until, finally, its not something that keeps you awake anymore or gives you knots in your stomach or catches you in an otherwise peaceful moment and fills you with a sudden burst of self-loathing. I dont feel it anymore.. However, dont make the mistake of giving her too much space (some guys go overboard and ignore a woman for weeks or even months), or she will just go back to thinking that you dont care enough to commit. A Most guys will never discover this secret and as a result, they miss out on getting their ex woman back. The third and final time is when she came back as Forrest was cutting grass. So, make sure that you focus on re-attracting her and making her naturally want you back, rather than making her put her guard up because she senses your desperation and need. I can appreciate that investing years in a relationship without the commitment of marriage is especially painful for many women, I would like to offer a perspective from the other side (that LW1 might not have explainedor felt). Your dream about getting shot and not dying can be very meaningful. Initially, her answer was yes, but by the next morning she'd had time to think about it and decided that she wasn't ready yet, which I understood and so we put the ring on a shelf and I told her that the ball was in her court, to just let me know when she was ready. Please believe in me. If your girlfriend loved your ability to make her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine strength, then make sure you dont suddenly start sucking up to her, being extra nice and sweet and allowing her to dominate you because you think that will make her happy. What Now? Another example is where she asks, So, how have you been? and you jokingly say, Well, I was having a great dayand then you called. She could have a little flat if he can afford to help her. She was with a guy for 7 years and talked really big about their future but he wouldn't drop to one knee. Of course, saying something like that to her doesnt mean that youre giving up on you and her getting back together. August 7, 2022, 1:32 am. I get mad at the fact that his grandmother has lived a life relying on other people and puts this guilt on my boyfriend. As you mentioned & worried about your looking for your daughter best interests, is your bf grandmother abusive? Outstanding advice to LW1 from Wendy and also signing off to the comment by mellanthe above. You've been together long enough for him to know if he wants to make that big commitment. Its really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that were now separated. He's the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. She really wanted to be with you and saw you as being the one. If you keep rejecting something until the opportunity is on the table, it suggests maybe you havent really reflected on why you were rejecting it, or why you suddenly wanted it so badly after it was taken off the table. BF pays the bills, Grandma doesnt. If you keep texting, e-mailing and calling your ex non-stop, she wont have any time to miss you. Your career and business, overall fitness, habits, and life infrastructure all take time to build, especially in your 20s and early 30s. Where was all that effort when we were still in a relationship? But if you love someone, known them for all those years. The thing is, your ex girlfriend doesnt want you to propose to her just to get her back or propose because you think that she wants it. You didnt share her dream and so, for you, the ending of your relationship, while sad and full of regret, is not the same. In small number of cases, proposing can work because the woman was just trying to put so much pressure on him until he did propose, so she accepts his proposal because that is what she actually wanted. In such a situation, you need to be careful and take things slow. Think back to what she loved about you the most and do more of that when you interact with her from now on, while at the same time doing less of the things that annoy her. Did you think that she would put up with it forever, and that therefore not marrying her was the least risky thing? These are just a few major examples, Ive written an entire article about the 6 major reasons women leave relationships which you can read by visiting that link. Enter your email below to watch the video for FREE right now. For example: A guy might call his ex woman and say things like, Please just think about how much weve been through and what a waste it would be to just throw all that away because I wouldnt commit. Anna had been abused over several years by her then-boyfriend and was preparing to take him to court. She said came of age, not spent her childhood. Get Your Ex Back Super System: The best, easiest, fastest and most effective way to get your ex back. For the first few days, you probably didnt care that much, until your feelings hit you like a truck. She deserves a love story that doesnt include years of rejection and always wondering why you werent able to commit sooner why it took your own broken heart to finally appreciate how broken hers must have been all that time you kept telling her no. The best way to propose to a woman is to write her a letter. I believe you know that, and that is the reason you wrote for advice. All rights reserved. I was planning on proposing to you the next time I saw you. This is common in the first ~6 months after you guys break up. When you do that, her feelings come flooding back and she becomes more open to the idea of being in a relationship with you again. I suspect but have no proof that LW 2 is unhappy with the situation because: 1. Hes lost the appeal that he used to have. 3. Some of the responses were pretty telling. I cant answer these questions for you. My boyfriend at first wanted me to move into his house, but I said no, that I want to buy our own house together and start fresh. It was to be expected if you reject a commitment during 9 years.