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My mother is a narcissist, told me shortly after my father passed of cancer how shed not only lost her husband, lover and confidenant (less than a year before telling a 13 yr old me she was planning on leaving him). As a former victim of a psychopath in my life, I wrote this site to help everyone overcome issues with psychopathic people in their life. Thank God they werent my kids though. Two months after he passed started seeing someone, two months later was engaged, two months after that broke up with him. So i said then why did you not introduce me to him as your husband and she said he did not want to meet me. Either their spouse is a completely codependent doormat (as I was sadly) OR their spouse is also narcissistic/sociopathic and just using him so they are both just using each other. So, narcissists will remarry if it makes them look good. We do not control who we love, and one of the most powerful things we can do as a human is love unconditionally. She rarely listens to anything you say when you talk to her and is continually talking about herself and only likes to gossip about others. I just told her congrats, and enjoy, and to let me know when her attorney had the divorce papers ready for me to sign. What Happens When the Narcissist loses in Court? He spoke of marriage allllll the time yet when we met he was still married but separated, so he says. Nine months later we were married, and a year after that I had a baby. The NARC will continue to try to elicit responses from you, as these maintain their control over you, and helps feed their supply needs 4. It was as if he was trying to force me to make the decision to leave. I got a wage deduction order and the divorce said that he had to pay me until death or in the event that I lived with someone else. Thank God they werent my kids though. It is not uncommon to find when a narcissist remarries it is to someone younger to promote their self-image as being younger. The behaviors of my ex- deteriorated into controlling and bizarre rants. I have zero interest in having an affair with him or anyone else. Nope. Get a temporary order. Jump to four years later and our son who can now talk and express himself very well starts to talk about this other person that his father has been having him spend time with. He met her in August 2014, proposed to her Dec. 2014, broke off the engagement Jan. 2015, re-proposed to her Feb. 2015 and married April 2015. My narc moved his married girlfriend in four days after ending our 18 year relationship. I know why he sounds flat and like all the energy and happiness has been sucked out of him. I was divorced from an alcoholic who later died of his disease. If you leave, they stalk you. Recognise the ploys,lies and deceit they use to hoodwink,manipulate and control. My now ex husban left after finding new supply on facebook after i saved his life sat by his hospital bed 18hours per day for almost 3weeks. They break you down, accuse you of everything and turn it all on you acting like they never ever cared for you . From the narcissist that I know, they can maintain a second marriage IF the new spouse is a giver and feeds the narcissist constantly. Someone is either single and available or not in my mind. By now he was cheating ( if not from the beginning!) Well put, Ive never thought of it that way. (He is now on his 5 marriage and has a son with one of them). Was hard now a year later i thank god for sending the whore to my life and freeing myself from an excuse of a man who lied took my money and treated me like dirt.thank you. Narcissistic abuse is a type of emotional abuse where the abuser only cares about themselves and may use words and actions to manipulate their partner's behavior and emotional state. The best thing you can do for your relationship is take to the time to reflect on what has been going on between you, and decide based on your morals, ethics, and self-respect if the narcissist your love has crossed the line. I stop birth control. His children stay with me or their maternal grandmother when they are in town, not with him and call me Mom (saint mom- right!?!). Not sure if shes actually managed it, but she travels abroad by herself frequently (shes not from here) and is entirely focused on her appearance and going out partying while he works. Everything, that is, except for his work. So, Ive been single for over 2 years now. I had enough. I realized my husband was totally sabotaging any efforts I was making to make peace with his family. We were together for 4 years and married for 1. We tried a reconciliation but his constant abandonment kept occurring. For more information on dealing specifically with a narcissistic husband, you will find this article useful . I asked her are just you and the girlfriend going and she and she said yes, just the two of them. She is the love of his life. His answer was I want sex how I want it.too bad for you. I know it was weird of me to keep reading them, but its so strange to watch your own relationship being reenacted in front of you by two other people. U will feel better. Narcissists are generally grandiose people with an unending need for admiration and a lack of empathy, says psychologist Danielle Forshee, PsyD. You would expect a narcissist to stay single or in casual relationships, to be able to pursue their career or talents. Loved his energy he was so exciting to be with. An additional point to make is that the narcissist considers himself special and not understood by just anyone. After a 2 yr relationship. By the time he had been divorced in our relationship it was about a year and the newness had worn off and he has cheated over and over. There is almost nothing a narcissist wont do if he thinks it will bring him fame. Long story short when she got home at 6pm she went right into the shower. He STILL tried to get me back.. Why? They do not change their spots. My family and I have been trying to pinpoint what exactly her mental problems are and have figured that Narcissism could be a possibility. Ive been on a few dates, but we werent a good match. Filed for divorce after 5 yrs of dancing with the Devil. He pulled me in head over heels becoming everything I told him I had been hurt through my marriage to an alcoholic. But she spends all of his money, refuses to work (no kids), lives in the gym, and asked several women in our office if we knew any guys with money that we could introduce her to. Let me tell you how this plays out. Get my tubes tied the day she is delivered in 2011. And when a wife decides [] Wed fight no resolution zero. This is what you need to know when you marry a divorced narcissist . A Need For Complete Control People with narcissistic personalities might seek complete control in their relationships. This site also participates in other affiliate programs and Oozing with charm, passion, energy and joie de vivre I thought she must have been heaven sent to pull me out of my dark place. Never marry a narcissist expecting them to change, even in the promise they will. And the narcissist will certainly try to convince you that you've made a mistake. Their need for control is whats at play here, and since you took control by asking for a divorce first, he is trying to punish you and take back the control in any way that he can. I know why hes making snapshot decisions, forgetting things, and acting like he no longer has his life together. I dont know the Narcissists new wife, but was friends with his first wife and she was a total door mat to him. Thanks for letting tell someone what is happing. It was so insane. My fianc and I have been together for 5 years. With all of these incidences happening she always paints her exes as the bad guy and how controlling and narcissistic they were. (Lets call it lazy or fearful?). Then one day she went she said to meet a gf of hers for lunch and then the library. Now I am mentally sick again. Threw me out of our home after 10years together for a woman he never met but who had a house and this fab virtual reality life on facebook. As long as her life continues to appear fabulous, she will keep this guy around. He continuously criticized me and my kids. Last Updated on May 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. The vows in our wedding that my second husband and I spoke were the ones we created to take us through our life journey ahead we took a class called saving your second marriage before it starts.I had a great job and worked with hundreds of people each week as a staff member at a large church.we were married by our pastor.then when I got sick with no reason why shortly after the miraculous birth of our only child he began to avoid me.shortly thereafter he began to ask for a divorce.his sex supply when I became sick was diminished to next to nothing .I needed love and support and he was not concerned with that.He sued me for divorce after 11 years of marriage and found his new girlfriend one year before that.the message I got is that his need for affirmation is paramount in any way he can get it and I was unable to give it to himso he found his next form of supplywhat did I do wrong? He said he didnt like her and if he told her to bark like a dog she would amongst other things he said about her. He needed that status of me leaving him. My concern is my children, I have no communication with him or her because I refuse to be in that triangled mess and I hope and pray that it all works out for them. Why is he still out to get me if he and his girlfriend are now free to be happy? I really like your response. Her fourth marriage and she is only a few months into 43 years old! I know how perceptive children are, and if she is even a fraction as abusive towards him as she is towards her husband, then I really feel for the kid. That is in their nature. I had a terrible accident which left me temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. Then the hell began. They become involved in relationships to ensure their needs are met and obtain Narcissistic Supply. EXACT same scenario. A narcissist often gets worse after marriage. This narcissist marries, divorces and remarries with dizzying speed. Here is how a narcissist handles a remarriage. He also went on a smearing campaign against me but people that know him and his history knew better. I had a 4 yr relationship with a narcissist. For more information on how narcissists work, check out . Sure, I would love to know what was real, and what was her just trying to make me jealous, but in the end, who cares. Divorcees with narcissists tend to be overly dramatic and hostile. Um. NO CONTACT 5. Always! Good luck! I had no idea why were were together anymore. I wish I knew how long it was going to last as I know it is going to effect my two kids. Says one minute if i change some things she might come back, then next minute says we can never by husband and wife ever again. Everything my ex accused me of, I just apologised for, agreed with her, and just went on my way. I got an important call for her about an hour after she left and called her cell, which always if she missed my call she would call me back real quick, but not this day. She refuses to work (despite racking up tons of debt in his name to buy a huge house, new car, botox, a puppy, holidays, etc). NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER (If you have kids together, put a contact management plan in place) 6. Her behavior is erratic and she leaves her children home often to go on long trips with whoever is her husband or boyfriend at the time. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. If they leave, at least you can get therapy and start over with a clean-ish break. Hes ill She enables him and hes disgusting to get and me But one day shell see i feel sorry for her. I also find it weird that my ex found someone from the Philippines. When that court matter and relationship ended we got married and had a baby, registered a business, bought a house, bought another house where we had tenants and the business was going good. Narcissists crave drama, positive feed back, and situations where they can dominate their partners. Unfortunately, you are permanently bound to him because of the child you have together, which is the grip he is going to hold over your head & on to for dear life (only to try to sabotage you to your child in subtle and indirect ways). Your life is to be lived with respect to where you have come from but with the greatest courage to love yourself enough to move forward (and find a support system of friends that will help you). I was in a relationship with a narc for 6 years. After about a year of this cat and mouse game I got fed up and applied for divorce. I was finally rid of him, I bought a house for my daughter and I. My son who spent a lot of time with his father continue to tell me things that happen and whenever I ask my husband, who I now understand is an N makes me sound as though I am crazy. 2 Leave with kids in tow in June of 2012. How I was so inept and useless. Marrying a narcissist can be a huge mistake, especially if you are unprepared for how they change after the honeymoon period. Now my thinking is this if u are done with an ex and totally really done, then why not tell them, yea, I am taking a guy I am involved with there also, so get on with your life? He asked me to marry him after two months. Responding to any smear, lie, slander, gossip from your EXN, only focusses attention on the actual smear/lie, and you end up trying to defend yourself against the smear; any attention/response that you provide is what the NARC wants, the NARC is pushing your buttons 3. Run if you can; if not, your best bet is to go gray rock or No Contact (except when dealing with anything related to coparenting). He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. One day she called and asked if i want to go to china in September, and i said no. The narcissists lability is so omnipresent and so dominant it could be said that the only stable trait they possess is their instability. By the time we were in the process of a divorce he had not only one GF but two (that I know of). While not every narcissist uses all of these tactics, expect a relationship with a narcissist to get worse over time. If you marry a narcissistyou will be uniting with a person who does not have empathy. 1. How do I keep myself sane when hes going on vacations with her and they have this picture perfect family? I later found out he had very recently remarried, so I backed off. He will be 47 when the baby is born and his oldest biological child, whom he has had no relationship with since the age of 3, will be 22! Your next boyfriend will treat you like a queen and youll have learned your lessons. Im rid of her and she married the idiot. Because being married makes it harder for you to leave them. He had his vasectomy reversed to conceive this child. My ex- drifted from job to job, career to career, mostly not working, but always lamenting what his purpose was. They get married and have children. Leave all the emotions out (even if youre faking it till you make it), dont react to smear-campaigning, and use some Hollywood-style PR to get your life and sanity back by not giving him any form of supply at all (through reactions, emotions, facial expressions, etc.). Paid 1/3 her rent and offered her a car, but she didnt want or need my help and told everyone else I abandoned her and her kids high and dryI left her with almost 10k in her account. This term is derived from the psychological disorder and is better known in the context of a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). He was cheating with many women before her and I knew who he was seeing but this one was new. Everything in his life is in constant flux: friends, emotions, judgments, values, beliefs, place of residence, affiliations, even hobbies. In many cases, narcissistic behavior patterns have led to problems in the narcissist's marriage, family, friendships, and career. They are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. Its been 4 years since I had a relationship with anyone. The first year it was great. So what i am looking for is a somewhat analysis of what other people think of this whole situation and what they feel was really going on. So I got to see everything she had posted up to then. This is a word used to describe someone narcissistic and living with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is a mental health condition. In reality, a narcissist chooses to develop relationships only with those who are perceived as superior, attractive, or unique in some way. She asked myself and another woman if we knew any rich guys we could introduce her to. He had worked on his new girl now for about six months while we were trying to work on our marriage. They find a potential partner in someone weaker, less intelligent, or underconfident. Yet he gave them alllll too me. He was very violent to me before and I am scared to death that he will come and shoot me.