We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Find a quiet place without distractions. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I enjoy every minute of it. 58. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 78. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 42. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 141. 233. Robert A. Heinlein What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Yeah, so is a grenade. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 23. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Cindy from Marzahn. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I did not trip and fall. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 188. 183. Flip Wilson, 263. 2. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Your email address will not be published. Socrates. 233. 261. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. In between, I am alive. 113. 80. 167. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. We'll get to that later. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Your email address will not be published. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. I am constantly growing and improving. 210. Leave me a if you agree! How do astronomers organize a party? Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 249. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 150. It may feel useless but just get into it. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. 219. 56. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 235. 266. Bill Murray I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. A wishbone. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Theres no stopping me now. 236. We need to hear a pin drop. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Steve Martin 86. 127. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Never test how deep the water is with both feet. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. - Benjamin Franklin. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 154. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 242. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Bill Murray I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 247. 151. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. I dont worry about getting older. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. How do you count cows? 43. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 1. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. 79. 63. 119. 7. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 274. Because it was soda pressing. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 1. 118. Short Funny Quotes. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Things are getting better all the time. Why cant you trust an atom? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 96. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. Sincerely, yourself. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Love your enemies. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. "We . 9. Never judge a book by its movie. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 162. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 84. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Bill Murray Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 207. 8. 264. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Groucho Marx. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Ken Dodd Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Run. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. 271. Take a look! You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Alright, get in the basket.. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 10. 159. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Oh sheet! It makes them so damned mad. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 221. 213. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Batwoman: single. Mind blown! 226. 163. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 124. 209. 177. At night, I cant fall asleep. 212. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I can do this. Be careful when you follow the masses. - Bob Hope. - Roy T. Bennett. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 227. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Albert Einstein, 190. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 75. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Decomposing. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 166. My jokes do. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 123. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 277. 94. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 7. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. I am attractive just as I am. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". I intend to live forever. They log in. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Read the first word again. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 4. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. I didnt want to interrupt her. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 63. 254. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. "Have a great Wednesday. 1. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. 117. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 216. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Czech proverb My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 214. 91. We need to hear a pin drop. What do computers eat for a snack? We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 156. 61. (John 14:27) 27. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Your life is your message to the world. 73. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 135. Decomposing. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 22. You can only be young once. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. All you need is love. Bill Murray. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 265. I make the right choices every time. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 214. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. I nourish my body every day. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". 1. 2. 141. 96. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 195. 88. 162. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 215. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? I am lazy till I get a motive. I enjoy every minute of it. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 94. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 184. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 81. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 204. 72. 7. 64. 171. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 18. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. 189. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 10. 262. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. No matter what I look like. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I dont suffer from insanity. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 122. You cant have everything, where would you put it? So far, so good. 159. 6. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Benjamin Franklin. 97. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 49. 39. 41. I see the funny side of life more and more. My body deserves love. 104. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. I did it! I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 135. Bill Murray, 258. 134. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 258. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. I can create positive change in the world. Use this space for describing your block. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. happy. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 8. 3. 189. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 200. 44. Superwoman: single. 225. I can always think of something funny to say. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 20. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Really? Hes dreaming too. 8. And a funny bone. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. And a funny bone., 10. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It was created to do amazing things. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. It just plain forms. I tell you what always catches my eye. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 186. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 103. 37. 195. Helen Giangregorio I am on a seafood diet. 279. Why is England the wettest country? Why did the can crusher quit his job? 1. 50. 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If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 181. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. What is Mozart doing right now? Nobody gets out alive anyway. 86. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 172. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. What do computers eat for a snack? Lily Tomlin, 242. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. I am so f*cking awesome. 112. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 122. 267. 5. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Can February march? 232. 50. 123. How do astronomers organize a party? No, but April may. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Your habits become your values. 228. You never run out of things that can go wrong. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Im not insulting you. Not me, but somebody does. Not everyone has good taste. 76. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Everyone brings happiness to this office. What do I do for a living? The only power you have is the word no. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 268. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. When they go away, its a brighter day. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I tried, but they wanted cash. 6. Socrates. 136. Today, I look at my goals. 29. Friends buy you food. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. 182. But it'll move up again.". Why was six scared of seven? East The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Enjoy! 248. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 66. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 1. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 2. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. 99. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 148. 76. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 119. In between, I am alive., 7. I'm a peli-can! Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 60. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Lorrin L. Lee. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Bill Murray You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Its a door, thats how they work. I receive what I believe. 36. 28. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Because they make up everything. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. - Bette Midler. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I feel great. 1. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Albert Einstein. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. Send me the link. 2. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. 175. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 140. A gummy bear. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. 55. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. A backbone. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. I thought you said extra fries. 52. Thank God Im an atheist. My mistakes dont define me. 181. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 65. 39 funny positive affirmations. 52. 17. I understand people talking about me. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 5. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 100. I understand success cant happen overnight. 23. 23. 25. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. How do trees access the internet? Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Shoot for the moon. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 5. I breathe in and out. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. P.D. 67. I get up, dress up, and show up. 80. 274. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? -Katrina Bowden. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go.
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